Radiant

I am so thankful that my family is giving me the time and space to attend a weekend long workshop to learn the Radiant Child Yoga Program. I have taken yoga for more than 20 years, but have studied mostly Hatha and Iyengar schools, and only touched briefly on Kundalini Yoga. Kundalini yoga is filled with movement and vibrant energy, and is perfect for children, especially the wiggly ones! Shakta Kaur Khalsa, who is teaching the class, has written stories to go along with the yoga movements, and they so wonderfully turn yoga class into a directed playtime that has physical and psychological benefits for the kids.

I am also experiencing the benefit of a new kind of yoga. As always, yoga opens up the mind, stretches and strengthens the body, and brings a sense of joy. I hope to share this feeling in children's yoga classes soon!

Hopeful

Bernard talks about a new clinical trial led by Dr. Denise Faustman, who is searching for a cure for Type 1 diabetes. I know that people are alternately excited & jaded with this clinical trial announcement. How many years have we been hoping for a cure? My God, we've only had diabetes in our family for less than a year, yet it seems like I have been wishing for a cure forever. There's a constant dialog with the divine running through my mind; it goes something like this: "Okay, here I am at Target and I have to remember to get lemon juice & laundry soap, speaking of laundry jeez I wish Daniel would stop wiping his bloody fingers on his pants legs, maybe I should get some spot cleaner and please let there be a cure for this damned disease by the end of 2008. Or at the very latest by the time he is out of high school."

I can't help but feel a leap of hope in my chest when these new clinical trials are announced. This could be the one, this could be the year, this could be the vaccine. I'd get Daniel in the trial if I could, but he doesn't qualify; he's not over 18.

I mean, people are flocking to China to get stem cell therapy to cure blindness in their children, laying thousands of dollars down on their hopes, on the love for their children. Is it working? Some people say yes. Some people say it is baloney. But I tell you, I would travel across the stars and back for Daniel if there was a cure I could buy, if someone could grant my child health in a vial.

At the same time, I'm working on my gratitude. This is like mental yoga -- where you use opposing forces in your muscles to build strength. I don't even know if I'm saying that right. I'm thinking of the downward dog pose, where you outwardly rotate the upper arms while at the same time pressing the base of the index fingers into the mat... it all leads to a strong arm. ANYWAY... what I mean to say is that I'm so happy Daniel is alive! That, although insulin is not a cure, it keeps him here with us! That although diabetes is a major pain in the ass (shots included) we are managing it day by day, hour by hour. I hate diabetes. But I'm learning from it. Opposing mental forces, making me stronger (I hope).

A kid Daniel's age, who was his classmate a couple of years ago, was killed on Friday along with his father in a small plane crash. The news rocked our house yesterday, and my thoughts & prayers flew out to the mom & sister, who lost both men in the family at the same time. The tragedy served to remind me: we don't know what's going to happen tonight, tomorrow, an hour from now. We have to live every day, really live it, stay aware, notice each moment as it passes just for its unique beauty.

Taken Aback

Ready for some whine?

I went to yoga class last night but couldn't do all the poses because of my stinkin'tendonitis elbow. Can't put weight on it so I did downward facing dog lightly on a chair and all my standing poses had a crooked aspect to them thanks to my non-straightening arm. *sigh*

Toward the end of class we were separated into people doing shoulder stand and people not inverting (me!), who were told to do supported bridge pose at the wall. I had one blanket & a block, so I set them up at the wall, and went across the room to get a few more blankets and a strap. Another lady is setting up her shoulder stand blankets right up next to where mine is, and it is clear that her legs will fall across my body if she does so. Before I go on...

I love my teacher. I love my class! People go in and out of it, move up levels, but there is a core group of us that has been there a while. We are in the smaller studio of the two in the building, and we are often crammed like sardines. But hey! It's yoga! There's always room for one more mat. Whenever someone comes in and it looks like there's no space, we're always scootching our mats over, saying, "come over here! Plenty of room!"

Back to last night. I said to the lady (and this is either someone who was new to our class because I didn't know her, or she was dropping in) "Oh, I just set up here because I'm doing bridge pose. But you can take my spot over there (there was a nice big opening in the middle of the room), I'll move my mat, I can't do shoulder stand today."

She says, "no, I'd prefer to be in the spot I've been all night. There's a spot across the room that you can take."

I was taken aback. I tend to speak my mind, but this was YOGA class for goodness sake, and although I was teetering on the brink of bitchiness, I just couldn't let it happen. Even though I did put my blanket down first! Anyway, I smiled sweetly, said "*I* don't mind," picked up my stuff (with my hurt elbow, sniff sniff) and went across the room to a rather pinched spot, but I made it work. Because that's what we do, we make it work.

In final relaxation I couldn't relax very well because my brain was still stamping it's pissed off little feet. Ugh. So next week, if she's there, I'm going to sit next to her. Say hi, get to know her. Sometimes my teacher makes us move to different places in the room to get us out of our comfort zone. I need to move across to her side to get back into mine.

Random things

On hamsters.
Our new little hamster chews on the bars of his cage. I guess that's what hamsters do. I would chew on the bars of my cage if I had a cage. Anything to get out.

I'd hate to be confined in such a small space. I'm not claustrophobic. Just like to get some fresh air. I'd let the hamster out if I was sure I wouldn't lose him. But I don't want little hamster poops all over the place. I don't want to unexpectedly step on a hamster.

On yoga.
My yoga teacher says that my goal this session is to access these muscles located at my upper outer thighs. I need to use them to stop my thighs from "poofing out" in standing poses.

I don't feel these muscles. I question their existence.

This is WoYoPracMo, which is World Yoga Practice Month. This month was so named as an incentive to do yoga practice every day, whether it is a 10 minute pick-me-up stretch or a full 90 minute practice.

I wake up in the morning with sore hips and do "fingertips to the bathroom counter" stretch, followed by "downward reaching dog," followed by "not quite a triangle" pose. I have to find a yoga pose that can be accomplished while blogging.

On being a bad mother.
My youngest, Dominic, hasn't noticed that he hasn't had a birthday party with his friends. And I'm tempted to just let it slide. It's not the easiest thing that his birthday comes on the heels of Christmas/New Years. Every year I should remember that I wasn't prepared the year before. But I don't. And I'm not. I think I'm still in an underlying funk about Daniel's diabetes/celiac diagnoses and don't want to do parties, cakes, cookies, screaming, explaining, and stopping children from shaking the hamster cage.

On being a good mother.
Kids should learn that you don't *have* to spend more than $200 at Chuck E. Cheese or Jeepers or the Swim Center or the gymnastics place to have you and 20 of your friends scream and eat cake. You don't *need* 2o more plastic toys.

On husbands.
Mine is giving me the look. Now. That one that says "if you don't stop typing & get to sleep you are going to be a sore head in the morning."

He knows me. He loves me. He's right. Good night!

Highs and Lows and Somewhere In Between

I do try, so very much, to walk the middle path. It is a yoga thing for me. Not too high, not too low. Just like Daniel's blood sugar numbers. I try to stay in an emotional range. It keeps me healthy.

Today my boss found out she has breast cancer. Today my youngest son's teacher told me she is pregnant with her first child. Today Daniel's blood sugar numbers were running way high. Today my daughter played beautiful music in her guitar lesson. Today I got a "sussy" (thank you Beth for the sussy and thank you Amylia for teaching me about sussies! Sussys?) in the mail -- buttons from Beth (which will proudly be displayed in tomorrow's Diabetes365 pictures).

I take the middle path. I try to avoid the land mines.

Restoratives

Yes! We had restoratives tonight. The class actually applauded the announcement. The moon is full and beautiful, and Mary, my teacher, said she feels the pull of it very strongly this month. It really is clear and crisp tonight, I can see the details of its surface, feel it calling to my heart center.

A classmate said that the moon tonight is farther away from earth than it has been in about a thousand years. And perhaps this distance causes a tighter bond? Whatever it is, it is magnetic and forceful. The class was chatty and jumpy, and we started off with a resting Prasarita Padottanasana (Wide-Legged Forward Bend) with our head on a block to calm the mind and center the thoughts. The pose had the intended effect.

Tonight we ended with supported bridge pose. I love that pose; it reminds me of being a child. I would turn upside down in a chair and let my back flow over the edge of the seat, my shoulders contacting the floor. Sounds more like a shoulder stand, I know, but I would have my feet against something to make a solid connection rather than pushing up into the air.

Tonight I opened my chest and heart and stretched over the folded blankets, letting my shoulders connect to the floor. My feet were supported by a block and firmly pressed into the wall, creating the bridge. Mary said that when you are feeling blue, this is a very strong pose for bringing you out of sadness. I thought about bridges and about this pose, how it turns me into a conduit. Bridges carry things from one side to another. Prana, emotions, stresses, thoughts... My body connected to something solid at two ends, allowing pent-up tension to flow out and be grounded on one side, and allowing serenity to flow from the other across the length of my being. I felt a physical flow as well as a spiritual one. This connection to earth and spirit brings me back to my mat day after day, week after week.

Namaste.

It's Only Tuesday

First day of school was yesterday and all three kids instantly are under the weather. ???? How does this happen? Hello, here is your syllabus and a few million germs. Please don't wash your hands and be sure to rub your eyes a lot.

Trash cans in both kids' rooms are overflowing with ragged lumps of tissue and the humidifiers are sighing and gurgling a misty lullaby.

If I look out the window behind me, I can see a full, or nearly full moon overhead. The night is slightly cool & humid, it's the kind of moonlight that used to see me sneaking out of my house when I was a teenager so I could sit on the lawn and soak it in, feel its magic. Moonbathing.

Full moons on yoga nights mean restoratives. Stay full one more night, moon.
One more night for me.