Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Weighty Matters

It seems like a lot of people in the diabetes OC and beyond are either following their weight loss resolutions or resolutely deciding to lose weight. It could be that it's the beginning of a new year, when we all make plans to change things in our lives. It could just be a continuing health issue, or an upcoming event. For me, two years ago, I was planning on having some foot surgery and didn't want to lug an extra 15-20 pounds around on crutches. No matter what the reason, there's a brave & supportive group of people out there posting their weight, their loss, their trials, their desires, struggles and successes. I would like to be one of them.

Two years ago I lost almost 20 pounds on weight watchers. I had been at my highest point ever, 174 pounds. I saw a picture of myself and said, "UGH!! How did I get there?" It seemed impossible, because for a few years I had been fighting horrible gut problems. A few weeks after Dominic was born I got food poisoning. It landed me in the hospital, dehydrated and in great pain. I was sent home with anti nausea, anti diarrheal, and a couple of other medications. I was told to eat a B.R.A.T. diet for a couple of days and then gently begin a normal diet.

I tried. It didn't work. My digestive tract just didn't want to act normally. Anything I ate or drank sent my system into spasms. The anti-diarrheal medicine they gave me at the hospital worked, but knocked me out completely. I couldn't work. I couldn't eat rice. I couldn't eat a plain potato, or an egg. I tried many different things. Finally, there were 3 things that I could have that didn't cause instant pain & diarrhea. Water, Gatorade, and jello. Of those 3 things, the only thing I like is water.

For 3 weeks I lived on water, Gatorade, and jello. I lost all my pregnancy weight and more. I was the skinniest I had ever been in my life. But of course I felt awful. I had no energy. I had 3 kids, one of them a new baby, and I was nursing! My hair was falling out and I had a short fuse.

Eventually, of course, I tried eating again. One of the first food successes was banana. Then oatmeal. Soon I was eating toast. I tried the B.R.A.T. diet again. Whew! Almost back to normal. There was one problem. Every time I tried to eat some of my favorite things like most raw fruits & vegetables, I'd be back in the bathroom, crying. The doctors scoped me up and down and decided that I had irritable bowel syndrome. They said I just had to figure out what foods caused me problems and avoid those foods.

Ugh! That was a great help. Thanks for scoping me up and down and giving me that very wise answer, that's what I was doing in the first place.

On the advice of a friend I tried taking Metamucil. Now I have found that if I have my daily dose, I am once again able to eat insoluble fiber like salad without a problem. My weight stabilized. Is everybody happy? YES!

Then came May 2007, and Daniel's diabetes diagnosis. When I was with him in the hospital for those 3 days, I had the first IBS attack in years. Does stress bring about IBS? YES. The hospital gift shop was out of pepto bismol, which is my quick fix. Matt brought some for me from home, but mistakenly brought the kid's kind. I doubled the dose & chomped it down. Increased my water intake, switched to the B.R.A.T. diet, settled down.

Now I look at how I have eaten in the months since May. My weight has crept up and up. I am now back to my highest weight again. All my pants are tight and my body hurts. I can't do my yoga poses properly. I can't believe I'm here! I need to make a change. I think I must be using food to compensate for something -- I'm not sure for what (feel free to psychoanalyze here). So it's time to take control again.

I've always been very sensitive about my weight. I've never let people know how much I weigh, probably because I've been able to "hide" it. I'm tall. People never guess. But I am inspired by other bloggers who are being very open about their decision to join weight watchers or do other diets. Also, I'm doing my very best to keep my children healthy and teach them good food habits. Why am I ignoring myself?

So here I go. Going to take control. I plan on going back to weight watchers. I don't know if I'm going to post my weight every week. I don't know if I can do that just yet. But I will try.

Every pound is four sticks of butter.

Every goal begins with an intention.


in search of balance said...

Aw, good for you. I think you're lovely, but if you feel healthier and better at a lower weight, then I think it's a wonderful thing to be doing.

You know, I must be weird because for some reason I've never had the number shame. I'm tallish with big bones, and look quite thin at 150. That number isn't the "skinny" number of 120 or 110 that shorter girls have, so maybe I got used to my number being different early on. I guess I've always assumed that people who see me can pretty accurately guess a number anyways, so why worry? I know, weird. I understand how it's not so simple as all that for most people, and I think that even posting this blog was a courageous step. I'm looking forward to sharing in some weight loss success with you! Here we go!

in search of balance said...

Oh, and check out SparkPeople, too. I'm on there in addition to doing WW. There's a UU group and everything! My username is beth.sobel there, and bethsobel on WW.

Naomi said...

Like I said in your blog Beth, we are quite similar in size! When I was sick and lost all that weight, I got below 150 for the first time since... I don't know when. People thought I was "too skinny." I think the number shame goes back to childhood. I'm trying to detach from that,I really am. It's just unbelievably hard.

Thanks for the info about SparkPeople, I'll check it out! I'll go to ww on Sat.