I don't know why I should have to exercise from September to June. Life is just one big treadmill from the start of the school year to the end. I wish I could burn calories driving kids from one appointment to another! I guess I need to go get myself a self-propelled Flintstones car for that to work.
Daniel had his regular endocrinologist appointment yesterday, and his first ophthalmologist appointment today. My husband took Daniel to the endo for the first time. Wouldn't you know it -- because we hadn't been writing down his numbers, just uploading all the info -- their computer wouldn't download anything from Daniel's new glucometer that came with the pump. And then they couldn't access the web site where he had uploaded all his numbers the night before. We didn't print out any reports or charts, thinking that they could just access everything online. Ugh. Lesson learned. Next time we will be better prepared. So the doc couldn't really do much except check his A1c (phooey! 7.7, just like before!) and ask Daniel to email her all the information.
Since he started on the pump, his blood sugar levels have been so much better. I think we kind of got into a lull in the last month or so, and Daniel went for a few weeks without uploading his glucometer to the web site to check for trends. When I looked at his charts last night, I saw that his numbers were trending up again. Time to make some adjustments. It's hard to be vigilant ALL the time. Actually, not all the time. It's hard to remember to be vigilant once a week, to check the numbers, look at the trends. As I said, we're on the school schedule treadmill. Time is a slippery thief, and is almost impossible to catch. All I can think about is, "where are we going today? What's on the agenda? Meetings? Homework? Doctor appointment?" And then I forget other important, but less urgent stuff. Can I blame menopause?
I caught Nora, who is in middle school, a few weeks ago writing out a list for herself before going to bed at night. She was preparing for the next day when she knew she had a lot to take care of. I need to take a page from her book!
Today I took Daniel to the ophthalmologist. His retina, his nerves -- they are fine. But she couldn't get Daniel to see 20/20 in his left eye. We talked about the fact that his A1c was on the high side, and hopefully once we make adjustments to the insulin and we can get that number down, he will be able to bring that eye into better focus.
I'm sad about that eye. Of course, I'm sad about diabetes in general. I try to keep an emotional balance about it all, but that's very difficult. You see, after months and months of crying, I finally came to the realization that although I can support my child and do everything in my power to educate him about his conditions and give him the best medical care possible, I can't change what has happened to him. I can't cure him, and I can't control all his actions. I can't watch and count every carb that passes through his lips because he takes responsibility, as he should, for most of that. I have to take care of him, but at the same time, I have to encourage him to take care of himself.
And I am lucky... Daniel is such a great kid. He wants to take care of himself, to be compliant in his diabetes regimen, to educate himself about what he can and cannot eat because of his celiac.
This brings me back to something that I have to remember every day. Something that is always on my list, but that I don't always think about. It's pretty simple. It's just to be thankful. I send gratitude out to the universe for my wonderful children, with all their talents, abilities, compassion, and joy. Thanks for a supportive, wonderful husband and a strong marriage. Thanks for today. The sun came up, we got out of bed, and started running on our hamster wheel. It's better than the alternative.